I Would Like You to Know (with apologies to Ana Castillo)

I would like you to know

I am more than a

soft-spoken girl

who is always trying to avoid conflict.

I am never without

a million thoughts and issues

running through my head

at any given moment.

 

I do not merely

go with the flow

trusting that

everything will be all right

and that I can’t do anything

about it because me being me,

I have to feel like I’m always in control.

 

I am not just a complacent girl,

accepting everything as fact

and being too afraid to have my own opinions.

That is not me.

 

I do not know everything

about everything

even though sometimes I think I do.

 

Those are the facts.

 

I would like you to know

that my to do list is always

growing and never shrinking.

Sometimes I think that I

have to do everything by myself

even though I don’t really have to.

Even though half the things

I say I’m going to do

will never get done, I still keep adding to it anyway.

 

I do not believe

I am the same person

I was a year ago or

that I look at life

the same way I did last year.

I wish I could simply

make up the reasons

why I am the way I am,

but that would be lying.

Sometimes I can go days

without thinking about

anxiety, death and

shame, but that

almost never happens.

I am often thankful

that life keeps going forward

and never backward,

because the past scares me.

 

I would like you to know

that I still think of life

as an adventure.

I’m excited for all of the twists and turns,

even though the future scares me

a little bit too.

 

But my struggles define me

and sometimes I’m even grateful for them.

Life is crazy and I know that,

but I am ready to face it.

-K.M

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